Hey, Fatty


With the release of the new Foot-long Cheeseburger from Carl’s Jr., I thought it appropriate to take a tour of some of America’s greatest culinary achievements.  Put on some sweat pants and enjoy:

The Foot-long Cheeseburger from Carl’s Jr.:

This foot-long mandible massacre is being tested in Carl’s Jr.’s southern California market right now.  Can’t wait til it hits Tulsa!

The fat stats: 850 calories & 20 grams of saturated fat.  But it’s only $4.50 fully loaded!

Get some more mileage out of this sandwich here

The Double Down from KFC:

This is nothing new, but it’s still a marvelous feat of edible engineering.  I have witnessed one guy take down this bacon & cheese…burger…thing between two fried chicken breasts.

The fat stats: 540 calories & 32 grams of fat.

You can get it grilled if you’re on a diet

The Candwich:

A tip of my hat to Stephen Colbert for making me aware of this gem.  I love the idea of drinking a BBQ Chicken Sandwich, so instead of a mess on my fingers now, I’ll have some porcelain pyrotechnics later.

The fat stats: undisclosed

Stay tuned for important announcements!

The Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt from Friendly’s:

It’s another bun-less innovation for those who do nothing but sit on their buns.  Instead of a boring enriched flour hamburger bun, now you can have a burger with a grilled cheese sandwich on both sides.  It’s like having three lunches all at the same time!

The fat stats: 1500 calories & 79 grams of fat (with 38g of saturated fat).

There’s even more “nutrition” info…

The Doughnut Burger from the Gateway Grizzlies:

It’s a bittersweet admission that I left St. Louis before dining on this unholy union between breakfast and dinner.  A lot of people like breakfast for dinner, and if you check out the Gateway Grizzlies, you can get a bacon cheeseburger sandwiched between two halves of a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

The fat stats: 1,000 calories & 45 grams of fat.  Amazing, but true, this is only $4.50, too!

Nothing says minor league like minor risk for heart-attack.

The Fifth Third Burger from the West Michigan Whitecaps:

This one is the crown-jewel of America’s culinary school.  It’s almost 2 lbs.  And will feed a family of four.

The fat stats: 4,889 calories & 199 grams of saturated fat.

This thing’s worth its weight in gold…en wrapped candy rolos.

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One thought on “Hey, Fatty

  1. I’m pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a little! Thanks for making me feel that my splurge of a glass of Sangria last night really wasn’t a big deal…

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