You’ve heard the message “CHOICE & CONSEQUENCE: Decisions of Friends” at the KirkYouth gathering.  Now here’s what you can do with it the other 6 days of the week:

Monday - Read Proverbs 13.20 again.  What do you think that it means to be wise? How would you describe a fool?

Tuesday - Ten years from now, do you think that you will still be friends with the people you currently consider your closest friends? Why or why not?

Wednesday - Read Proverbs 12.26.  How should you choose your friends?  But, what’s the temptation?

Thursday - Read Proverbs 16.28.  What does a gossip do?  Why does that happen?

Friday - Read Proverbs 19.6.  Are you friends with someone because they give you stuff?  Do you think this is a true friend?

Saturday - Read Proverbs 22.5.  How can you be on mission AND be smart when choosing close friends?

Two weeks ago I started using the “Hundred Pushups” app on my iPhone.  For my initial test I could do 16 consecutive pushups (hardly inspiring).  But after two weeks of training I can now do 46 in a row.  I’m not to my goal of 100 yet, and I’m not even at the level I used to be when I worked at Kanakuk.  But being in the habit for two weeks has shown marked improvement.

Two weeks ago I gave our students a copy of The One Minute Bible to use in their Cell Groups, and it is getting students in the Word!  7th grade boys are talking about Scripture.  Tons of students are either “caught up” or “ahead” in the daily readings.  Students are getting in the habit of reading the Bible.  They are talking about it.  They are letting it change them.  They are applying it.  They are seeing the value of Scripture in their everyday.  When once students wouldn’t even bring a Bible with them, now they are asking for extras to give to their friends.  It’s phenomenal.

Habits matter.  And my team and I are trying to build into our students the habit of reading the Word of God.  We’re trying to make impressions while the cement is still wet.  And this one is definitely sinking in.

What do you do when faced with choices?  According to one study, the average American makes 35,000 choices each day, like:

Do I hit snooze?  Will I brush my teeth?  Ponytail?  Will I text her back?

Choices are everywhere:

• Starbucks offers consumers up to 87,000 drink combinations.
• Comcast, the nation’s largest cable provider, offers up to 1,000 channels.
• iHeartRadio says this: Listen live to over 850 real radio stations or create your own based on millions of songs and artists!
• I ran just 1,500m in Temple Run and made over 40 decisions!

But I want to focus in on a particular area of your life where choices are made: at school.

Do you find it easier or harder to do the right thing in school?

What are some examples of specific situations at school where it isn’t always easy to do what’s right-or where doing what’s right may upset friends or classmates?

Decision making can be hard at school because there’s a lot of pressure and influence around us to make it feel like war.

• If I sit at that lunch table, what are they gonna think?
• If I talk to her, what are the guys gonna think?
• If I let him copy my homework, is that really cheating?
• Am I gonna be nice to this substitute?
• If the teacher leaves the room, am I gonna share answers on the test we’re taking?
• Should I step in if I see someone being bullied?
• Should I forgive them or keep giving them attitude so they know how much they hurt me?

Guys, we’re at war and I want to take you through a passage of Scripture today that I’m sure most of you can really relate to:

 Romans 7:21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

 Romans 7:21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.

“Inevitably” means “unable to be avoided or escaped”

This is because we are born in sin (Psalm 51:5 = Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.)

Without Christ we are condemned to die (Romans 5:18 = Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone)

con·demn/kənˈdem/ means to “express complete disapproval of” or “sentence someone to a particular punishment, especially death”

Do you ever feel like 2 different people?  Like, you walk away from Cell Groups encouraged to live for the Lord and then you get in the car and get in a fight with your mom?  Or you hear the Gospel at the gathering and are reminded about how good God is but when you get home you give in to lust?

This is our natural state.  We are sinners by nature, but then Paul says this:

Romans 7:22 I love God’s law with all my heart.

For how many of us is this a true desire? Paul faced a constant battle, as he desired to do the right thing, but continually fell short and did the exact opposite. This probably sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  But check out this Psalm:

Psalm 1.1-3 1 Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

“delight” = at minimum we agree that the Bible is true

“meditates” = we are reading it, we are thinking about it.

If we love it, we gotta be in it, because:

Romans 7:23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.

Just read these and meditate on where the battlefield is:

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Galatians 5.17  The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions

James 4.1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?

1 Peter 2.11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls

We love God, we really do…but we still sin.  We still make bad choices.  We are prisoners of war.  Look at what Paul says next:

Romans 7:24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?

When you think about this struggle it can wear you out.  If you compare your sin to God’s goodness you might be tempted to quit.

Having an understanding of who you are apart from Christ is a healthy way to remind you of who you are in Christ!

But sometimes it can be overwhelming!  Do we just give up and sin?

No!  Because the power of sin is a defeated enemy.  Without Christ, sin is stronger than we are.  Without Christ we will want to revert back to our old selves.

So what are we to do?!  We’re prisoners of war, we’re struggling to make good choices, we’re exhausted, we love God but what does that really look like.  What are we to do?

Romans 7:25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

The answer is in Jesus!

When you are confused and overwhelmed by sin’s appeal, remember Hebrews 4.15 For we do not have a high priest [that’s Jesus] who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin

Now the remarkable thing about this is Jesus was tempted, but he never felt the release of giving in.

When we give in, the temptation goes away for a little while.  We feel release, we feel like we got it out of our system, we might experience a moment of peace it seems like.

But not Jesus.

And because He never gave in we can be forgiven for when we do.

The Christian life is not a pleasure cruise to Heaven.

It’s hard!  And there is a war going on for your soul that apart from Christ you will lose.

How Do We Respond To This?

We are at war.  And one of the battlefields is at school.  It’s easier to make better decisions while you’re here at the Kirk.  But this isn’t the only place you should make good choices.

The Gospel should affect our decisions.  We should be making decisions that seek to honor God while realizing that we’re at war.

We NEED Jesus in order to make good decisions at school.

And I know it’s hard.

Decisions are hard.  Sometimes honoring God has more cons than pros.  Sometimes we really want to make the right choice but we end up shooting ourselves in the foot again.

That’s what sin does to us.  Paul struggled with it.  I struggle with it.  You will struggle with it.

But thank God we have Jesus!  He’s near when we call.  He hears our prayers.  He suffered the death that we should have died.  And He gives us the wisdom that only He has.

So may you make good decisions at school.  When faced with a choice, may God give you grace so that you can honor Him with every part of your life.

You’ve heard the message “CHOICE & CONSEQUENCE – Choices at School” at the KirkYouth gathering.  Now here’s what you can do with it the other 6 days of the week:

Monday – Read 1 Corinthians 10.31. How might your life at school look different if you tried-with God’s help-to do everything in ways that would honor God?

Tuesday – Read 2 Timothy 3.16-17.  How can the Bible help you make the best choice at school?

Wednesday – Read James 1.5. What’s the connection between wisdom and the way we make decisions?

Thursday – If a teenager continually makes bad or unwise choices at school, what are the likely consequences that person will face?  Does this honor God?

Friday – Read Romans 6.23.  Is there really a consequence for sin?

Saturday – Read Proverbs 3.5-6.  What are some of the keys to making wise choices at school according to these verses?

Tulsa, OK - I have a group text app that I use on my phone to text all of my Mid-High students.  I’ll send them things like a verse-of-the-day, event reminders, random encouragement, etc.

We collected their numbers at the beginning of the school year (so, September?).  Yesterday, a student who I haven’t seen since the beginning of the school finally responded to a mass text I sent out.  I jumped into action and replied asking him by name how he was doing and if he knew what cell group he was in.  Then I got the following voicemail (transcripted here):

“Whoever has this phone you’re texting my 9-year-old daughter.  If you text the Scriptures, we didn’t mind, but now you’re just texting and talking and asking them what group they’re in and stuff like that; whoever had this number before does not have it anymore.  This is a 9-year-old girl.  And if you continue to message my child I’m gonna report you to the authorities.”

Of course, this made me laugh because it was the girl’s mother and it was the most non-threatening tone one could have.  But whatever happened to, “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number” and that’s the end of it?  When did it become “You have the wrong number…I’m calling the cops?”  What would you tell the cops?  We-just-got-this-new-number-and-someone-keeps-texting-bible-verses-to-it?  And what would the cops do?  Call DHS and confiscate my phone, forcing me to learn morse code?

I have daughters, so I get being protective.  But what do you think?

Last week we spent some time trying to answer a question like “Who is the right person for me to date?”

We talked about the Gospel and how apart from Christ none of us good, but because of Jesus we can be declared good, meet good people, and have good friendships with members of the opposite sex.

We also spent some time making a list.  Remember, the list of what you’re looking for is only a guideline.  Only Jesus will fulfill you 100%.

So we got the “who.”  Today we’re going to talk about the “how.”  Dating can create anxiety in us, and we can put so much pressure on ourselves to date the right person or to not get dumped that it freaks us out!

So let me encourage you with this Scripture from Philippians 4 (NLT):

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 

And the most important thing I want you to remember today is this:

The only thing you should worry about on date #1 is if there will be a date #2.

Most teenagers aren’t dating.

…they’re just trying to see how far they can go with someone who’s willing.

Because if we attach the “dating” label to a friendship, then we think we hold hands, hug, kiss, tickle

This is misguided because it creates a lot of pressure and confusion.  The only thing you should worry about on date #1 is if there will be a date #2.

…they’re trying too hard to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend

Once you’re “dating” she’s YOURS and no one else can talk to her or look at her or post on her wall…

This is misguided because you’re instantly “in love” and anything but undivided attention is “cheating on you.”  Chill out.  The only thing you should worry about on date #1 is if there will be a date #2.

Dating is an exercise meant to help a guy or a girl understand who they are compatible with.

God created both men and women for companionship.  That’s why guys and girls enjoy being together.  It’s not simply because of hormones and puberty.  God made us to get along.

So let’s learn how to do that today.

the Ask

How do you ask out someone you like?  Fellas, you need to ask her.

But ladies, what if no one EVER asks?  Just wait.  Boys are dumb.  We don’t get hints anyway, so don’t drop them.  The one who notices you for your love for Jesus is the one you want to gout with anyway.

My mom always told me to chill out.  I took dating relationships WAYYYYYY too seriously and killed the fun.  Because I didn’t want to go on dates, I wanted to have a girlfriend.  There’s a difference!  And that’s why I always got dumped within a month or two.

You can say a lot of different things, but what matters most is that you are confident and clear with your intentions.  I’d even throw in, when asking, that you’re just asking to go on one date.  And on that date, you’ll see if there could be a date #2.

When junior high boys try to figure out how to talk to girls: they make fun of each other in an effort to flirt.  They overdose on cologne that doesn’t smell good at all.  They ask their friends to go and tell the girl they “like” them.

Ladies, does this work on you?

A better way, fellas, is to be clear.  Say something like, “(____) we’ve been friends for a while and I’ve had a great time hanging out with you.  I’d like to take you on one date, where I’ll buy you dinner and we can talk and hang out and get to know each other better.  I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend.  I’m just asking for one date and we’ll see what happens from there.”

the Date

So she said yes!  Now what?  How do you go on a date when you can’t drive yet?

A few guidelines you can use:

• Go out with groups
• Avoid the “hang out at home” date

“Anything done at home-especially home alone-is a recipe for disaster.  You may have just intended to rent a movie and share a bowl of popcorn, but who’s to say you won’t end up with popcorn all over the couch and your hands in places they shouldn’t be?  Unless you’re playing Scrabble with her parents, dating at home should be avoided at all costs.”

• Try to avoid going to movies all the time (because what can you learn about someone if you’re staring quietly at a screen for 2.5 hours?)

Sadly, I never went on a date in mid-high.  I was only concerned with having a girlfriend who would come to my basketball games and would let me kiss her behind the bleachers.  THIS IS NOT DATING.

So: the date.  I want to encourage you to stop thinking about getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend and start thinking about having fun, creative dates with people you like.  Because the only thing you should worry about on date #1 is if there will be a date #2.

Spend some time brainstorming fun, creative dates, but remember:

Guys: most girls probably don’t want to play Call of Duty with you all the time

Girls: most guys probably don’t want to watch you shop for a cute new outfit each weekend

How Do We Respond To This?

Dating is an exercise meant to help a guy or a girl understand who they are compatible with.

When you start dating, please remember that God created us for relationships.  We should honor God in the way we approach those relationships.

Remember this verse:

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Dating is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.  Hopefully this series has given you some good ideas on who to date and how to date.

So may you leave here with a desire to honor God in your friendships.  May you leave here with a desire to honor God in your dating relationships.  May you leave here knowing that if you are in Christ, dating will look different for you.  And that’s a great thing to experience.

You’ve already heard the message “DATING: How to Date” at the KirkYouth gathering.  Now here’s what you can do with it the other 6 days of the week:

AM I READY TO START DATING?

Monday – Read Ephesians 6.1.  According to this, what’s one sign you’re ready?

Tuesday – Read 2 Timothy 2.22.  You might be ready when you don’t have a significant problem with lust.  What does that mean for you?

Wednesday – Read Hebrews 13.5.  You might be ready when you are content being single.  Are you constantly looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Thursday – Read Exodus 20.5.  Idolatry is valuing anything or anyone more than we value God.  We can easily place getting into a relationship above living to please and worship God.  If you are not willing to break up with someone who is not good for your relationship with God, you are committing Idolatry.

Friday – Read Jeremiah 31.3.  Once you grasp that God loves you and that you don’t need a guy or a girl to fill that hole in your heart, you may be ready to date.

Saturday – Pray today.  Pray about all of this because it’s a LOT to think about!

“[My son] was so pumped about his cell group discussion last night and shared all about the Bible!  Thank you very much for providing a realistic reading plan for a boy that HATES reading!!

In youth ministry, this is called a win.  Boom baby.

Hebrews 5:1-2

“For every high priest taken from among men is appointed on behalf of men in things pertaining to God, in order to offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins; he can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided, since he himself also is beset with weakness.”

If I were to try and convince a church why I’m such a great youth pastor, I’d never have a job.  Because on paper they see degrees I’ve acquired, percentage increases in programs and students, verbs pre-empting all the best things I’ve accomplished.  But the beauty of the Gospel is that I am beset with weakness.  I let families down.  I turn kids away.  I say one thing and mean another.  I’ve made my wife hate me.  I’ve made my parents lose their trust in me.  I’ve made my own children fear me.  And this is awesome!  Because being in the priesthood (the priesthood of believers) is not something I’ve earned.  It is something I’ve been given.  Being full-time in ministry is not something I will ever be qualified to do.  Only Jesus has ever fulfilled the priestly duties without sin.  I am a man beset with weakness.  I need atonement.  I have a Savior!

Check out these thoughts from my Bible study this morning:

“The priesthood (all of them) is not earned.  God appoints it.  Only Jesus shows us the real, working role of a high priest.  In v.2 we see a high priest “can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided.”  This is our condition in Christ or apart from Christ.  But our position is that Jesus is our high priest and does deal gently with us.  The high priest was also ‘beset with weakness’ that obligated him to offer sacrifices for sins.  Jesus was beset with manhood and never sinned.  He also didn’t glorify Himself (v. 5) although He rightfully could have.  The high priest made sacrifices for the people and for himself.  Jesus made one sacrifice to satisfy all.  God appointed Jesus to serve as high priest by 1) dealing gently with the ignorant and misguided, 2) offer sacrifice, and 3) ultimately becoming the source of eternal salvation.  Jesus perfectly fulfilled what was modeled in man.  He perfectly saved the privileged priest and the nobody from nowhere because all have sinned.  All are beset with weakness.”

It doesn’t matter what grade you’re in: the topic of dating has a special place in our minds.  (Especially with Valentine’s Day in the not-too-distant future.)

And whether you’ve been on a lot of dates or you just built up the courage to make eye contact for the first time it’s an important part of the teenager’s life.

When you were a kid if you liked someone you wrote them a note that said “Do you like me?  Check yes or no” and passed it under your desk.  If they said “yes” you sat together at lunch.  If they said “no” you just played with other kids at recess.

Now it’s a little more complicated than that.  You still want to know who’s interested but you feel like the stakes are higher.

There is nothing more exciting and terrifying all at the same time than the first date between a guy and a girl who are starting to like each other.

Because you still have to ask!

What if she rejects you?  What if you have your friend ask him for you and he starts to like her instead?  What if her friends ask you to dance with her and you agree so they’ll leave you alone but what follows is 4 minutes of awkward swaying (like this***)?

But then we have to worry about WHO to ask?  What happens when you do meet someone that you start to like?  What happens when you get all psyched up and do pushups and stare in the mirror and say “I’m gonna ask her today!  Yeah!” and then you see her and play it cool with “Wassup girl?” and expect your mysteriousness to sweep her off her feet?

There’s A LOT about dating that you have to navigate.

And so in this series my hope is to give you some biblical tools to help you process all of this.  I can’t take away the jitters because that’s part of the fun!  But I can point you in a direction that will help you make God-honoring choices when you start to date.

And today we’re going to talk about WHO TO DATE.  Who do you ask?  Who do you look for?  Who do you pursue?  It’s a big question.  Let’s go:

Remember The Gospel

Before we start looking at WHO to date, we have to know who we are.

We have to remember the Gospel for any of this to make sense.

So I know a lot of you probably have a question like “How do I know who’s right for me?  Who’s the right person to date?”  Consider the following Scriptures first:

“We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6)

“There is none good but one, that is, God” (Mark 10:18).

“All of us lived at one time among them, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts” (Ephesians 2:3). 

For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.” (Romans 3:9-11)

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)

There’s no such thing as the right person to date, because according to the Bible there’s no one good.  None of us is good.  I’m not good, you’re not good, the person you date is not good.

But if you’re in Christ, you are righteous, you are justified.  You are good because of Jesus.  Therefore, when you’re looking for someone to date, if you’re in Christ, you should be looking for someone else who is in Christ.  Because that’s as close to good as you can get with another person.

Someone who is “good” in Christ should not be dating someone who is not good.  Because we’re all not good.  We’re all bent toward sin.  We all want to rebel.  We all want to do things wrong.  We all want to date the wrong person.  We all want to do things with that person we know we shouldn’t do.

But Christ fixed that.  Christ redeemed that.  Through his sacrifice on the cross we’re able to have good dating relationships.  We’re able to find people who are good because of Jesus and date them in a good way because of Jesus.  So when we talk about who to date, look for someone else who understands grace.  Look for someone else who is in Christ, and we’ll go from there.

Because the Gospel isn’t just “you are not good.”  See this:

I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no savior (Isaiah 43:11)

That’s good news! That means you don’t have to rely on some guy or girl to fulfil your every longing.  They won’t complete you.  Only Jesus will!  Check this out, too:

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14)

The Gospel means that Jesus is the good news because he was the only one good!  And he took our sin upon himself on the cross so we are no longer identified as decaying, rebellious, God-haters, but justified people who are saved by His grace and are considered good.

Make a List

Now let’s have a little fun:

WHAT SHOULD A GIRL LOOK FOR IN A GUY?

• Doesn’t stink
• Respect for parents (especially mom)
• Respects you and others (kindness)
• Watches his mouth
• Maturity
• Not lazy

WHAT SHOULD A GUY LOOK FOR IN A GIRL?

• Doesn’t stink
• Self-confidence
• Modesty (does not need to draw attention to herself)
• Is not a flirt

Make your list (4-6 VERY important things)

Spend some time thinking about 4-6 VERY important things to you and make your list.  A bad list would be “cute face, cute tooshy, has a twitter account.”  A better list would probably include these things (if you haven’t thought about them already):

Look for a Christian seeking God

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Someone who cares about others

(guys: avoid the drama queen, she only cares about herself; girls: avoid the guy who can laugh at everybody but himself, he only cares about his image)

Inner beauty

Check out this video

(too many of are chasing after a physical “10” but will settle for a spiritual “2”)

Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head. (Proverbs 11:22)

Integrity

(they don’t act one way at church and a completely different way at school or at home)

Friendship first

(Girls always told me “I just want to stay friends” and that never made sense to me.  Why would you not want to take someone you already like out on a date?  It’s important to have a good friendship first with a person who you might want to go out with later.)

Your list is just a guideline.  No one will fulfill you 100% except Jesus.  But your list is a good place to start so that you don’t get impatient and start dating the first guy or girl that gives you attention.

 How Do We Respond To This?

Dating is an exercise meant to help a guy or a girl understand who they are compatible with.

Dating is not meant to fulfill your every longing.  Only Jesus can do that for you.  Still, it’s pretty fun.  And for it to be good:

Remember how the Gospel shows us that we are set apart.

Remember how Scripture reminds us that we are to approach dating differently than what we typically see as “the norm.”

Fellas: be men.

Ladies: be ladies.

And use this list you’ve made today as a guideline to help you make good choices.

Because you might already be thinking of somebody (ow ow), so next week we’ll talk about how to have a g